If Only..

I really get emotional when I read love poems. As I was reading How Do I Love Thee? by Elizabeth Barrett Browning, sadness enveloped me. It doesn't mean that I don't like her poem, in fact, I appreciate it. I like the way she loves --- unmeasurable, passionate, eternal. If all people in this world would love that way, then there will be no broken homes. We can't see a man or a woman weeping because they failed in love. And... I can't see my mother crying. I feel pain deep within me everytime I see her crying. That is because I love her, like the way she loves me. I should not forget in my entire life that this woman is the reason why I'm here in this world. She gave birth to me considering it's a painful process. She's taking care of me when I was young until now. She's doing everything just to send me to school and provide all my needs. It's a sacrifice.
That is why, I really resent someone for making her cry and that is my father. My one and only father. I don't know why in the world he betrayed our family. He became unfaithful. He formed this family and now he is the one ruining it. What kind of a man is he? He is definitely not strong because he was not able to fight the temptations! I know it is bad to hate. God said that we should not hate someone. However, a hatred for my father is now formng in my heart. It is his fault! He is the one who plant it in my heart. And now, I can't stop it. It keeps on growing and growing and growing. I don't like it because it is painful. It consumes and destroys my whole being.
It makes me cry everytime I remember my childhood days. That time, our family was living in hapiness, contentment and full of love. Both of my parents were ideal to me. I adored my mother for doing her responsibilities at home. I also adored my father for being a responsible policeman in our community. That's the kind of family that I ever wanted in my life. I didn't think that one day, our home would crack. It's disheartening, but now I eventually accept it. I guess it's God's will for the betterment of each one of us. That event made me stronger although my views in life were changed.
I now view life as unpredictable, complicated and rude. Unpredictable because no one expected that our family would be like this. When I was young, I believed that our family would end like a fairy tale, that we will live happily ever after. But, it didn't happen. I know that we will get over this soon but still, the scars are there. I view life as complicated because it is full of ups and downs, but to my case, it is more on down. Our family only lived six happy and glorious years considering that I lived in this world for sixteen years now. And rude because it pulls me down and makes me weak. Can't life just let me live happily?
If only my father loves my mother the way Elizabeth Barrett Browning loves her husband, we would not suffer this way. If only...